i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
