I got chris browned last night
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
