How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
