I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
