she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
