They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
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My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
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Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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