Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
