my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
