I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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