Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
