You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
