is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
