so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
