I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
