The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
