lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
