there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.