The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
