it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize