They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
