PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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