we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
