I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
