hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I stole a fireplace last night.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
