She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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