I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
