I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
