somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008