Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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