They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
