Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
