$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
