when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
