My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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