Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I am available for nakedness
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
