Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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