You can't motorboat a personality
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
