Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I want to fling myself into the sun
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
