he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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