am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
