Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
