i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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