U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
