so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
