Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
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