and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
