He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
