it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
