Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I wish there were birth control emojis
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
