Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
