dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I am one with the molecules
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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