I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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