My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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