Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
