I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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