these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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