this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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