someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
