they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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