You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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