god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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