Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
