whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The uberlube is also flammable
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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