I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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